Weakening Our Tendency to Condemning Others and Ourselves

It is said by both spiritual teachers and mental health experts that many of our problems in life and living stem from our own attitudes and actions that we are mindful about or cling to with little or no reflection.

When we talk with or listen to a spiritual teacher or counsel with a mental health expert, we are made more mindful about what we are thinking, feeling, saying and doing on a daily basis and this mindfulness can serve as a foundation for getting a new place in life and living that is more peaceful and balanced.

Many spiritual teachers and mental health experts will also remind us that anger can be our greatest enemy in getting to a new place in life.

References to anger and its self and universal destructiveness are found in Christian, Buddhist and Yoga teachings and scriptures.

They all tell us to avoid anger and not let us get carried away in our angry thoughts and feelings.

And at the same time, it does seem that there is much in life to get angry about on a daily basis.

It may be somebody at work that irritates us, and there seems to be much in commuting to and from work that creates angry feelings.

And most unfortunately, many of us may be dealing with angry feelings at home, with those who we should be closest to or love and understand the most.

But though anger is acknowledged by all as being a great evil and a source of many problems in our life and the world, there may be a greater evil at work that because it is more subtle, is harder to detect and see how it affects ourselves and others.

That is our tendency to condemning others and ourselves.

We can also think of this as judging others, or being critical of others or demonizing others.

However we phrase it, the mental action and activity is still the same, that being that we think and feel that another human being is in someway bad, evil or unworthy of our understanding and respect.

It is so easy to condemn and we many times ate not even mindful about it.

This is what makes the condemnation of others such a dangerous thing.

Perhaps we can better understand condemnation and its affects if we examine some reasons why we condemn others.

One is that we feel that we are in some way superior to another.

This seems to happen most frequently along ethnic lines, though one can also be influenced by religion and an attachment to one's own country and nationalistic feelings.

Growing up in the United States, I was always shocked to hear the language that was used by whites to refer to blacks both to their face and behind their back as at times I was also shocked to hear the language that blacks used in the same manner.

Having traveled in Asia and visited many countries and people in this part of the world, condemnation along ethnic lines has been a recurring experience that I have been exposed to again and again.

The Thais do not like the Cambodians, the Cambodians do not like the Vietnamese, the Japanese do not like the Koreans and vice versa and so on and so on.

In this element of feeling superior is another reason why people condemn others, that being that they fear others.

Growing up in the U.S, I was exposed to the Communist menace again and again. Though some of this might have been very real, it was not until I made a trip to then Communist Czechlovokia and Hungary that I found that the citizens of these communist countries were just regular people dealing with the same thoughts, feelings, hopes and desires that those of us in the west did.

Another reason that we condemn others is that we feel inferior to them.

Because of our feelings of inferiority, we feel jealous or envious of another's life and how we perceive it to be and to make ourselves feel better about ourselves by condemning them.

If we do such a thing, we fail to see our own humanity in a clear light and in a way that can be dealt with and improved upon, while not being able to see the gifts that they have and that we can learn from and grow with.

Related to our feelings of inferiority may also be our feelings of poor self  worth and poor self  confidence.

If we get caught up in condemning everything and everyone we are not able to do any work on ourselves to get to know ourselves better and our various talents, gifts and strengths.

Those if us who suffer from anxiety may also routinely condemn others as we can not find a strong balance and focus in our own life and our anxious and fluctuating consciousness makes us look at others with fear and apprehension instead as being fellow members of the human race with the same challenges and feelings in life to face.

To weaken and stop the condemning tendency on ourselves takes much work.

First of all there may not be many opportunities for us to become mindful about it unless we recognize it on our own or we find that it comes up in our search to heal and understand ourselves better.

If it is pointed out to us by others, we most likely will react with indignation and anger, striking back instead of learning or reflecting in such a way that our mindfulness increases.

Changing how we think, feel, speak and act takes much mindfulness, effort and self  discipline.

Others changes in one's actions and behavior may assist in making one less likely to condemn.

One would think that if one is exposed to and studies biblical teachings, one would be less likely to condemn others, though it seems that in practice this is not always the case with those who embrace Christianity and Christian teachings.

If one practices relaxation, meditation and Yoga, one will find that one is naturally more relaxed and mindful and starts to rejoice in that experience instead if having any need or interest in condemning others.

The process of looking inward and learning about oneself naturally takes one away from looking at others.

The thing that we all benefit from learning about condemnation is that when we do it leads to so many others harmful ways of being.

It can leads us to speak dishonestly and in slanderous and harsh ways.

It can lead us to unreasonable anger and violence.

It can lead us to shutting off of the opportunity to listen to and learn from others.

The mindfulness of our condemning ways, whether directed to ourselves or others, is something that we can all benefit from being more mindful about and working on lessening our tendency to.

)2005 John C. Kimbrough (February 27th, 2005)