Living According to Values, Not Our Feelings

The modern world that we live in is a very stressful and anxious one.

One would think and hope that with the wealth, convenience and comfort that is available to us in this modern world, we would and could have greater peace of mind.

Our own life experience and what we observe in others shows us that this is not the case.

Each day we are exposed to so many things that give rise to feelings, both in our personal lives and tasks and what we are exposed through television, movies, radio, the computer, newspapers and magazines.

We have feelings about our husband, wife and children and about America's foreign policy and war on terrorism.

We have feelings about our work and colleagues at work and about what someone says on a talk show or how our favorite football or basketball team played the night before.

We have feelings about our past, present and future and concerns about our life and health while at the same time we experience feelings about the way our town or city is governed, our house is kept up and what we will have dinner for that night.

Feelings are a part of our everyday and all day experience of life and they can lead us to some very unwholesome ways of behaving and acting and reacting to others and the world.

In the practice of Buddhism, individuals are asked to be very mindful of their feelings as they arise and catch them before they lead to other ways of thinking, feeling, speaking and acting.

Such a practice is known as "vedananupassana", the contemplation of the feelings.

This ability to contemplate the feelings is brought about through meditation practice and carried over to our day and day and minute to minute tasks and experiences.

One of the great modern of teachers of Buddhism, Buddhadasa Bhikkhu tells us that "they (the feelings) are of highest importance to human beings as they spin people around at will" (1). He goes on to tell us that "vedana (feelings) have tremendous power and influence over us. If we cannot control feelings, we must rise and fall at their whim"(2).

One does not have to learn or practice Buddhism to see that there is much truth and wisdom in these words.

In dealing with our feelings, we benefit when we live our life by a set of values or what we might call morals and ethics.

Just as in these modern times, we are exposed each day to a number of feelings through the experiences of life, we may also find it difficult to find a set of values with which to build our life around and live by.

We may think that the values that we have been exposed to through religions or other spiritual paths are not practical to modern life or ask to much of us.

We may blindly think that the values we have been exposed to in our own household and family are the best ones for us, perhaps not understanding how they have been influenced by greed, desire, anxiety and fear.

And in order to embrace and apply any values or set of values, we need to have a certain amount of faith and composure of mind.

But an important point to remember is that of we do try to live in accordance with a certain set of values, we will be more able to combat the negative states of being and behavior that can arise because of our feelings.

For some of us, this is important to understand to bring into our lives before we get much older, as each day spent at the mercy of our feelings does nothing more then strengthen these tendencies and weaken our ability to understand ourselves better and live better.

There are some universal values that we can reflect on and try to bring onto our lives.

One is to try to be non - violent in our thoughts, words and actions.

Violence of any kind seldom solves anything and we benefit when we understand that even though we may not be violent in our words and actions habitually, our thoughts can still be of a violent nature, hurting ourselves in ways that we can not imagine.

Honesty is another value that is widely understood to be of benefit to ourselves and mankind.

Another great writer on the Buddhist teachings, Bhikkhu Bodhi reminds us in his writings why honesty is so important when he tells us that lying is disruptive to social cohesion (3) and that in lying once and finding our word suspect, we feel compelled to lie again to defend our creditability, to paint a consistent picture of events. So the process repeats

itself: the lies stretch, multiply and connect until they lock us into a cage of falsehood from which it is difficult to escape (4)

Other values worth understanding and cultivating into our lives may include things such as contentment and non-greed, as these things will make us more appreciative of what we have and more skillful in using it and control our desires for more and more each day.

Another value to consider bringing into one's life is that of non  stealing, meaning not only the non - taking of material things that do not belong to one but also the taking of words and ideas that are not one's own.

In any society or environment where stealing is going on, distrust, greed and dishonesty are also be cultivated into one's thinking and world.

Many of the values that we can all live by and practice are well known to all, as they are universal in scope and form part of the teachings of all religions and spiritual disciplines.

And if one does not want to look at these values within the context of a religion or spiritual discipline, on can look at them as just being good common sense ways of living that help us live both alone and with others in a better way.

If we can bring a set of values into our lives to live by, we will not only grow with those values as we understand and apply them, but we will also be able to combat the negative affects of the feelings that we experience on a day to day basis, not letting them overwhelm us and lead us down a path of unwholesome, unskillful, unhealthy and unjoyful thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

(1) Buddhadasa Bhikkhu Anapanasati: Mindfulness with Breathing Suan Mokkhabalarama, Chaiya, Suratthani 1987, Page 94

(2) Ibed, page 95

(3) Bodhi, Bhikkhu The Noble Eightfold Path: Way to the End of Suffering Kandy, Sri Lanka: Buddhist Publication Society 1984, Page 47

(4) Ibed, page 47

)2005 John C. Kimbrough (February 28th, 2005)