Excerpt
The following is an excerpt from the book I Will Not Be Broken
by Jerry White
Published by St. Martin's Press; April 2008;$22.95US/$26.50CAN;
978-0-312-36895-1
Copyright © 2008 Jerry White
Choose Life
Crisis and pain can hold us hostage for a time, but we still have a choice in
how we will respond to our circumstances, no matter how dire. When something
disrupts our life, how do we move forward? I've seen it time and time again in
my work with victims of war atrocities -- there are those who fight for their
lives after devastating loss and those who succumb to their suffering. Why the
difference?
To truly thrive, we must consciously choose for our lives to go on in a positive
way. I have had to do it more than once. Most of us have, or will.
We may feel like giving up, but few of us really want to roll over and die. We'd
rather be Rip Van Winkle and wake up in one hundred years, after our crisis is
long gone. In the end, we don't want to surrender to death; we just want this
suffering to end.
Choosing life is akin to swinging between two monkey bars, letting go of one
just as you reach for the second. It requires faith that the second bar will
hold your weight. It can take all the inner strength you can muster to let go
long enough to choose a new path out of your personal nightmare. But it is an
endeavor that must be undertaken. Passivity is a killer. Choosing life requires
a willingness to fight. Your mind, spirit, and body must all engage in this
daily battle to align for life.
After my experience in the minefield, a common question was, "Aren't you pissed,
Jerry? Shouldn't someone pay for this?" It's not that I didn't have my angry
moments -- especially in the beginning. But my expectation of myself was that I
wouldn't go there. I didn't like that image of myself -- bitter, whiny Jerry who
let a bad thing take over the rest of his life. There is a life to be lived --
my life -- and if I had to hop, roll, or whatever, I was going to get back to
it.
At first, getting out of bed each morning was a challenge. The alarm sounds. Get
out of bed and wheel yourself to physical therapy at 7:30 A.M. Just get up. Or
just get yourself to the park every day. Call friend and make plans even when
you don't feel like it. Eventually it becomes easier, even habitual. A routine,
little by little, will ensure progress, an opportunity to see light flicker at
the end of the tunnel.
Are you willing to try? Willingness to be open to your future is crucial.
Curiosity helps. In the depths of pain, we might ask ourselves, How much worse
could this get? One reason we survive crisis is our hope and belief that this
moment will change. No, this is not the end. Each minute is excruciating, but we
have to stay in the game. The question is, What can I do now that the scourge is
upon me? Alcoholics live O.D.AT. -- one day at a time -- but in crisis we must
survive O.M.A.T. -- one moment at a time.
Death seems like an option -- a choice in the midst of darkness. "I can choose
to end this now." But is death really a choice? It's saying that our situation
is larger than we are. My own choice to live is visceral. I'm driven to see
what's over the next hill. Choosing life is also intellectual, in the sense that
we must apply our minds to think differently about our moments of crisis. Don't
just feel what's happening. Think about it; think past it. The threat comes when
we believe a moment is larger than life. The key is to remember that life is
larger than this moment. That is the perspective we must grasp.
Only by gaining perspective, by looking forward, by staying connected to life,
can we move forward. We reclaim life. Not some noble, sad shell of a life,
either. But a red-blooded, laughter -- and tear -- studded life that demands us
to live it.
Copyright © 2008 Jerry White
Author
Jerry White is a recognized leader of the historic International Campaign to Ban
Landmines, co-recipient of the Nobel Prize for Peace; as well as cofounder of
Survivor Corps. He lives in Maryland and Malta with his with Kelly and four
kids. For more information, please visit: www.survivorcorps.com.