Further Reflections on Being Sexually Abused

Even though the phenomenon of sexual abuse is a widely acknowledged one in these modern times, that meaning that it is talked about, articles are written about it and that there are a number of formal and informal support groups to help those who have been sexually abused, many still hide and feel shame and guilt because of their experience of having been sexually abused or being sexually abused at this time in their life.

When we are lost in such shame and guilt and the desire that many times is associated with it, such groups and online resources are of little or no use or benefit to us.

It is hard to talk about what is happening to us or what has happened to us, whether we are young or old, a man or a woman, or married or single.

Will people ridicule us or make us feel greater shame and guilt?

Will people not have any kind of understanding about our thoughts and feelings at all?

Will they make us feel in such a way that we are dirty or less of a man or a woman, or even worse, somehow the blame for what has happened?

Maybe something we have said or done was unconsciously sexual or we have experienced a new pleasure or even power in the experience of being sexually abused.

As repugnant as it may sound, it can happen.

I understand that in my experience of being sexually abused at the age of 13, I found pleasure in it, but I also experienced guilt, confusion, shame, and a sense of loss of both self - esteem and self - confidence.

New states of being such as mood and energy swings, anxiety, worry, an inability to be mindful and concentrate and were developed.

We all can find intimacy and pleasure in sex, but we have to be in an equal and emotionally balanced relationship with someone that we have chosen and is close to our age.

Even as mature and understanding adults, finding such a person and partner can be difficult.

Dealing with being sexually abused in my own life was one that saw all of the worst case scenarios being fulfilled.

I had a drug problem, I was in prison and I had problems in relationships with women.

I was not able to reach my full potential and fulfillment in life.

Too many times, fulfillment had to do with being sexually fulfilled, instead of seeing the many other wholesome, satisfying and good things that life offered each day.

These were things like the satisfaction of doing a good and honest days work, the satisfaction of getting a paycheck at the end of the week, and the satisfaction of having the respect of ones peers.

Other things that we can find satisfaction in and with, whether we have been sexually abused or not come from being able to take steps to improve ourselves and make new friends and look at the world and others in a new light.

For those who have been sexually abused, we need to remember that we are not the blame and that we should not feel guilt or shame about having had the experience of being sexually abused, that we were victimized by someone who only wanted their own sad and unwholesome desires satisfied.

If we have been sexually abused, we can still learn from others if we can listen and put aside our own fear, shame and guilt.

It will take some time.

Maybe there is no true and complete healing for those who have been sexually abused but like many things in life, there is a better understanding and with that understanding, their can be a new perspective and wisdom.

Something that has been or is so negative can actually be made something that brings us greater insight and wisdom as people.

It may make us stronger in the long run.

2005 John C. Kimbrough (February 24th, 2005)