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After my spiritual communications with my late wife Claricé and the others ended, and before I began communicating with the angels, I had a “touch experience” with her, which I have earlier written about.  When the communications with Claricé ended, several times I tried to spiritually connect with her, just one more time, but I didn’t have any success.  I soon realized I was trying to make it happen; and in fact, I was mentally asking and answering my own questions.  They were not spontaneous, and I didn’t “hear” her voice as I had when the communications had first begun.  Quickly, I understood that by trying to force a communication, I was only trying to keep her with me, and it couldn’t be so.   No matter how much I wanted to, or how hard I tried, I knew that I had to let her go.

A “final good bye” seemed to come to me a few weeks after all of the spiritual communications had ended.  It was at the end of a meditation session, where I had been searching for peace of mind and relief from my grieving.  I was quite relaxed, and as I opened my eyes to begin to reorient myself to the room, the words, “Reach up and touch me,” suddenly entered my mind.  I immediately thought of Claricé, but I didn’t hear her voice as I had before, the words were just there.  At the same time, fixed objects across the room in my line of vision, took on a moving, wavy distortion.

My wife had a collection of a couple dozen small wooden cats, in various positions, which were multi-colored and brightly painted.  The little cats were still aligned in a long row, on an upper shelf above the television set, in the Florida room or den.  The cats had taken on a wavy motion; it was like the times when we were walking on the beach and looking for seashells lying in the sand and in the shallow water.  When we would first spot one, or a grouping of shells and reached down to pick them up, they appeared to be in motion, a visual illusion caused by the rippling of the crystal clear water.

I reached my right hand palm up-words in answer to the words and instantly, there was a warm tingling feeling throughout my outstretched fingers, which flowed through my arm and toward my elbow.  I reacted as if it were an electric shock, and jerked my hand back; but I stopped as new words came into my mind.

 “Both hands, my love.”  They were Claricé’s words.

I then reached up with both of my hands, palms upwards with fingers outstretched, and the warm, tingling glow returned.  It flowed through each of the fingers of both hands and down my arms to the point of the elbow’s contact with my sides, crossing through me and meeting in the middle of my chest.  It brought a flush of emotion and tears that began to trickle down my face; then as quickly as it came it dissipated, and the wavy distortion of the colorful painted cats and other objects across the room became crystal clear and sharp once again.

I believed then, it was Claricé’s final goodbye to me and that I wouldn’t hear from her again. The flush of emotion receded with my awareness and recognition of purpose.  Since that experience, I have not tried to spiritually contact her again.

Later, after I began communicating with the angels, I was told that whenever I believe I am emotionally ready to communicate with her, it can and will happen again.  When it does however, I was told it would be on a more spiritual and esoteric level rather than the personal nature of the earlier and spontaneous visits, which came from her.

I do talk to her quite often, as I move through my day and in the environment she created in our home; sometimes when I’m beginning a task I even ask her what she thinks I should do, and I mentally hear her quiet laugh as I awkwardly go about performing some of her favorite household activities.  This is something I am sure many people do who have lost a loved one, as they work their way through acceptance and the steps of their own, personal grieving process.  I feel her presence often and sometimes when I ask her questions, answers come into my mind.  When this happens, I think about how she told me in her first communication that she was now my guardian angel; and I wonder if she really is giving me guidance.  I believe that she is.

Very frequently, I feel her presence when I am at Sunday morning services at the First Unity Church I now attend in St. Petersburg.  About twenty minutes into the service, a period of meditation begins and almost always I feel her presence with me during these times of silence and listening for the enlightenment from the Spirit within.

At a recent service, following the meditation I had a new experience of a spiritual nature.  It was shortly after the meditation had ended and the congregation had completed singing the song, “Surely The Presence Of The Lord Is In This Place.”  This is when I most often feel, or sense Claricé’s presence the strongest.  On that particular Sunday, her presence lingered well into our pastor’s message. 

As I listened, my eyes began to focus on the two large candles, one on each side of a flower-laden table, against the back wall and behind our minister as he delivered his sermon of the day.  Above the candles and the flowers is a large and beautiful stained glass window, a depiction of Leonardo da Vinci’s “The Last Supper.”  Although the candle flames occasionally flicker for a second or two, at that moment the flames on the candles were tall, still, and steady.  

I was still feeling Claricé’s presence and my mind began to drift.  I was thinking about how much she would have enjoyed the services and family of friends I have found at this church.  As my thoughts wandered, I became aware that I was staring hypnotically at the candle on the right, the shorter of the two on the table behind our pastor as he gave his sermon.  The flame was still and steady.  Suddenly, I wondered if she was really spiritually present as we are told that our loved ones and guardian angels always are?  When the words passed through my mind, I wondered about it and thought, “How I could know?”  While I considered the question, words came to my mind and I mentally asked, “If you are with me Claricé, can you give me a sign?” 

At the exact moment the thought went out of my mind, the flame of the candle on the right, where my eyes were focused, began to rapidly dance.  It was a back and forth and around movement, almost as if she were standing next to the table, and moving her hand in a side to side wave, above the flame, fanning it to make it dance for me.  During the 10 or 20 seconds that the flame danced, my eyes glanced over toward the candle on the left; its flame was steady.  It stood tall and remained still with very little movement.

            I know that burning candles always flicker and move a little, but where these two were positioned, one on each end of the table against a wall, I thought that with whatever movement of air there might be in that specific area, it would cause a flickering motion, which would affect both of the flames at the same time… but it was only the one flame that was dancing for me. 

My mind had wandered and the pastor’s sermon was like a voice in a distant room.   I smiled then, with a little doubt in my mind and amused at my thoughts and the unexpected response of the dancing flame.  I then decided there must have been a very slight movement of air that just affected the one candle, perhaps from our Pastor’s walking back and forth as he delivered his weekly message.

Smiling and still feeling her presence, I thought, “Okay, Claricé, show me again.”  The flames of both candles were again tall, steady and still, unmoving with no excessive flickering. 

As this thought ran through my mind, I was then focused on the taller candle on the left side of the table, which at that moment was burning very steady.  As the first one had done, as soon as the thought left my mind, the candle on the left began rapidly dancing with an identical motion, and for about the same length of time… dancing alone, while the one on the right remained tall, still and steady.   I smiled broadly then and thought again about the song we had earlier sung, “Surely The Presence Of The Lord Is In This Place.”  The Lord certainly does work in mysterious ways. 

I wondered then if the dancing flames were one of the Heaven-sent signs that come from loved ones who have crossed over?  Was it like a dove, a butterfly or a feather that suddenly falls, floating out of nowhere as we are reportedly told happens, to let us know our loved ones are with us at some particular moment in time?  Was Claricé listening to the thoughts of my mind?  Was she answering me, and letting me know she was with me at that moment?  Or… was she waving her angelic hand over the flames creating them to dance just for me, to remind me of the sculpture we had purchased on the very first trip we had taken together?  The sculpture is named “The Dance Of Love” and within it, now contains her physical remains.  Was she showing me she was all right, and standing there before me, sharing in the service under the beautiful stained glass depiction of the Lord’s Last Supper?  Was it just a coincidence… or another synchronicity of life, yet to be understood?

Some things you just have to accept on your faith and your belief in the experience.  And for me, it was an example of the words in one of the songs the congregation sang that Sunday, “If you believe… all things are possible.”

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